Friday 28 January 2011 by Matt Taylor

‘Your democracy is in the post’ Obama tells Egyptian people


American President Barack Obama last night assured the Egyptian people that the democracy they ordered 30 years ago from Amazon USA is definitely on its way, but is ‘probably stuck in the post or something’.

The statement came after housands of ordinary Egyptians took to the streets this week to protest against three decades of brutal dictatorship by their US-backed leader President Hosni Mubarak.

Protests have been denied by the Egyptian Minister for Blatant Propaganda who said, “Rumours of riots are nonsense. People are simply boisterous and excited at the success of Andy Murray in the Australian Open.”

The protests culminated in a rally yesterday at which opposition leader Mohammed Al-Baradei phoned Amazon Customer Services to ask why his country’s order for democracy hadn’t arrived, despite a 30 year wait.

“Everyone knows that democracy is the USA’s favourite export,” said Mr Al-Baradei.

“They even sent a load of it to Iraq and Afghanistan by special US Army courier service – and they didn’t even order any!”

“It makes the Egyptian people wonder where our order has got to, which is why I decided to call them and chase it up.”

Egyptian democracy ‘lost in the post’

Amazon Helpline advisor, Tracy-Ann Kerrigan, recalls speaking to Mr Al-Baradei, “I took the gentleman’s address and security details although it was a little difficult to hear him over the deafening chants of ‘Death to America!’ and ‘Obama you hypocrite. Shame on you!’ in the background.

“After checking the order status I advised Mr Al-Baradei that his order had been affected by export controls which forbid sending democracy to Arab countries that might be more useful as puppet regimes for Western super powers.”

“Also he’d ticked the box for SuperSaver Delivery and that can take centuries.”

Mr Al-Baradei said he was ‘very disappointed’ by the outcome but Amazon CEO Hal Swanson said, “We at Amazon value all our customers, so as a gesture of goodwill we’re going to FedEx a bulk order of tear gas, tanks and tasers to President Mubarak.”

“Thank you for calling Amazon.”

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