Friday 28 January 2011 by Spacey

Davos Latest: Cameron to take short break from blame to concentrate on bullshit


David Cameron Davos 2011

David Cameron is expected to take a small step back from blaming other people and use his speech to business leaders and politicians at the World Economic Forum in Davos to concentrate on good old-fashioned bullshit.

Despite indications to the contrary, the prime minister is expected to say the economy is making “progress”.

It is believed that those in attendance will look a little bit confused before tapping away on their calculators, nudging the person next to them and shrugging their shoulders.

Economists then predict that a nine year-old boy will walk onto the stage and hand Mr Cameron a piece of paper explaining what ‘contraction’ means, along with a list of acceptable synonyms.

Mr Cameron is then expected to say that just last year his wife suffered contractions, and although painful, at the end of it she produced a beautiful baby girl.

He will then produce some photographs of his daughter and pass them around the room.

Everyone in attendance will then say “Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.”

Mr Cameron will then exit the stage, hi-fiving George Osbourne and Nick Clegg on the way.

A government spokesman will later say “Back in Britain people respond much better to the prime minister blaming everyone and everything else.”

“Whereas the international community respond better to straightforward, no-nonsense, good old fashioned bullshit.”

“I think it’s to the prime minister’s credit that he can move from blame to bullshit so effortlessly.”

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