Women everywhere were overheard this morning claming that men clearly don’t have the capacity to understand the complex broadcasting guidelines for UK programmes, and that they have no place using words on television.
After Andy Gray and Richard Keys were caught failing to grasp the basic rules surrounding the thing they do for a living, women have insisted it’s not a surprise and that everyone knows men don’t have the brain power required to understand complex lists of things they shouldn’t say.
Female viewer Jane Williams told us, “Who thought it was a good idea to put two men up front anyway? It seems ridiculous to expect them and their tiny brains to know all the rules, especially the difficult ones about about all the ‘isms’.”
“You can’t expect men to know what they can and can’t say in the heat of live television. I don’t blame them personally, I blame the authorities and the ridiculous equal opportunities guidelines that put them there in the first place.”
“Men should stick to running around on their pretty little legs kicking a ball about, and let us women worry about the complicated stuff around whether the words used on television are incredibly offensive or not.”
Richard Keys and Andy Gray sexism row
Woman Emily James said it was pointless trying to teach men the television broadcasting guidelines, and it would probably be best for everyone concerned if we stopped putting them on the television at all.
“I don’t know why we even try and teach them the rules, as their tiny little brains can’t comprehend the complexities surrounding ‘saying that’ and ‘not saying that’.”
“I met Richard Keys at a Gala dinner once, and I tried to explain the sexism rules using a number of condiments at the dinner table, but he just looked at me blankly.”
“I said, ‘This is you, the pepper grinder, and this is something a bit sexist over here by the mustard, and all you have to do is turn away towards the bread basket and not mention the Mustard’, but it was pointless.”
“He just kept jumping up and down shouting ‘Mustard! Mustard!’ whilst looking at the other men at the table for reassurance.”
“It was sort of sad, really. In the end I just smiled and said, ‘Yes dear, that’s close enough’. Some things just aren’t worth the effort.”