Wednesday 19 January 2011

Katie Price announces separation due to irreconcilable column inches


Katie Price has announced her separation from husband Alex Reid after less than a year, citing Reid’s inability to maintain sufficient column inches as the reason for the split.

Having been married for only a year, Price has already accepted that cage-fighter Reid will never be able to satisfy her insatiable desire for media coverage.

A close friend of Price said, “Katie just needs to meet a nice guy who can take her out for a nice meal, and guarantee her the front page of Hello at least once a month.”

“He promised her the world, with love, laughs, and perpetual coverage in the world’s major magazines – but he’s simply failed to live up to his marital responsibilities.”

“She was looking for someone to contribute equally to the family coverage, but the simple fact is that Alex can’t carry his own weight in media spotlights.”

“It’s a disappointing end to a promising commercial agreement, but even the most powerful media arrangements can fall at the first hurdle.”

Katie Price Alex Reid Split

Gossip columns in papers around the country are already full of stories about Price, who appears to have bounced back from the separation incredibly well.

She told OK magazine, “I don’t want to be the family’s main column-inch winner.  Call me old fashioned, but I think that’s the man’s job.”

“I’ve got three kids to look after, and we can’t survive on a few hundred column inches a week – I have certain media coverage expectations from any man I’m with, and Alex simply hasn’t met them.”

“I’ve got to look to the future now – but I’ve done the footballer and the pop star, I’m thinking next time I might go movie star?”

Hollywood was unavailable for comment as everyone was flatly refusing to answer their phone.

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