Wednesday 19 January 2011 by Formelia Albethine

Canoe man John Darwin ‘faked release from Moorland prison’


Infamous ‘Canoe Man’ John Darwin may have faked his release from Moorland prison in a bid to convince his estranged wife that he’s still got it.

Darwin, who faked his own death after staging a fatal canoe incident off Seaton Carew in 2002 in order to secure the £250,000 insurance payout, was apparently seen leaving the prison having served less than half of his six year and three months sentence.

However, unconfirmed reports suggest he remains a mere toy of Her Majesty’s repeated pleasuring, with his alleged release proving nothing more than an elaborate ruse.

A prison spokesman has said they are investigating claims that the family-deserting fraudster hired a crude look-a-like to trick photographers into the belief that the man charged with making canoeing look dangerous was actually free.

Canoe Man John Darwin freed

Warden James Matthews told reporters, “We are aware of reports circulating that John Darwin has been released from prison, and can confirm that these reports are unfounded we are investigating exactly who it was seen leaving Moorland prison this morning.”

“Unlike his previous effort, none of the tell tail signs of an attempted con are present.”

“He hasn’t left any of his clothes bundled up in his cell, in fact there is precious little evidence to suggest he was ever here, other than the fact he is still in his cell.”

His wife Anne, herself still in prison, has said she has no intention of returning to the husband who single-handedly saw ‘lost at sea’ clauses added to a million life insurance policies.

Speaking from prison she said, “Absolutely no way. It’s absolutely typical of him to fake his release from prison.”

“I’ve no doubt that in the weeks to come someone will turn up a photo of him enjoying himself with the boys from ‘A’ Wing.”

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