Tuesday 18 January 2011

West Ham committed to keeping Avram Grant as long people keep saying ‘No’


West Ham have given their complete support to under fire manager Avram Grant, insisting he will get their full backing just as long as the people they approach to do his job keep saying ‘No’.

There has been much speculation regarding his position, but the club have issued a statement this morning which laid to rest rumours of a new manager by telling fans that Grant has their complete backing as long as people keep refusing his job.

The statement read, “We would like to place on record our complete and utter faith in Avram Grant as manager of West Ham, a situation that will continue until such time that we can find someone better.”

“You can take our word on that, because if you can’t trust experienced purveyors of jazz mags and dildos, who can you trust?”

West Ham’s Avram Grant

Former Aston Villa manager Martin O’Neill was said to be in line for the role, but decided that working for a couple of pornographers was unlikely to be as much fun as it would have been when he was a teenager.

A source close to O’Neill said the offer was interesting, but in the end he felt it wasn’t right considering he was no longer a hormone-ravaged virgin in desperate need of titillation.

“The offer was generous, including several million pounds and as many German Scat DVDs as he could carry. He just realised he was a 58 year-old man and didn’t want to be associated with a club run by a couple of pornbrokers.”

West Ham fans are happy with the club’s announcement, claiming that Grant is better than nothing, just.

Season ticket holder Simon Chapman said, “I have complete faith in the board and our chairman to keep faith in Avram Grant until they can find someone they’d rather put their faith in.”

“Having faith in someone until you have faith in someone else instead is what being a supporter is all about, after all.”

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