Tuesday 18 January 2011 by Spacey

Christian B&B owners bemoan loss of niche homophobic bigot market


Christian B&B owners have revealed their sadness after a judge ruled that the Chymorvah Hotel acted unlawfully when they refused a gay couple a double room in case their presence opened a gateway to hell that would unleash evil upon mankind.

Owners of the hotel near Penzance, Peter and Hazelmary Bull, have been in court to defend their right only to allow only heterosexual intercourse to take place within their earshot.

Christians everywhere have insisted that they are market leaders when it comes to ensuring that homophobic bigots can enjoy a holiday break without being disturbed by the deviant behaviour of moral-free godless sodomites.

One leading Christian hotelier told us, “We are excellent hosts and we guarantee a relaxing weekend for anyone staying here, as long as you aren’t gay, Muslim, living in sin and are happy to spend your time with us worshipping an invisible sky fairy.”

“If we were to allow homosexuals to stay at our B&B or hotel, then who’s to say that they wouldn’t attempt to leave their room and mingle with the normal guests?”

“Even if they did stay in their room, we’d then be forced to spend every hour of the day wondering what they were getting up to, probably having to repeatedly put a glass against the wall to check nothing was going on.”

B&B gay ban overturned

Speaking outside the court Mr and Mrs Bull revealed that they would be discussing an appeal against the decision with their lawyers.

“As committed Christians we should be able to run our business outside the constraints of the law,” They said in unison.

“If God wanted us to have gays in our hotels he would said in the Bible that it’s OK to have gays in your hotel, but he didn’t, so it’s definitely wrong.”

“Our double-bed policy was based on our sincere belief that God is a big intolerant ball of omnipotent hate gas, who floats around the clouds deciding people’s fate with a flashing remote control device.”

“Sometimes you can see the flashing. Non-believers call it lightning.”

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