Friday 14 January 2011

Facebook outage forces entire nation to descend into state of mass productivity


Facebook outage makes workers busy

After social networking site Facebook went off-line this morning, the nation’s workers descended into what experts are calling a ‘terrifying frenzy of productivity’.

The cause of outage has not yet been confirmed, raising the possibility that further periods of profound productivity could hit UK industry completely unannounced.

Office based Claims Processor Shelly Davies told us, “I’m not ashamed to say I panicked when I saw Facebook was down, but to help myself get through it I threw myself into my work – what else could I do?

“I started off by asking people in the office if they had any pithy comments about what they were doing right then, or if they had any photos they were interested in showing me, but nothing.

“Before long I found myself actually wanting to sort the high-priority claims in order to get them to an adjuster more quickly. It’s was bizarre.

“I have to admit those few hours went by in a bit of a blur, it was a horrible time, and one I’m not too keen on repeating. My virtual farm needs constant attention you know.”

Facebook outage

Businesses around the country are already struggling to cope under the relentless barrage of workers doing what they’re supposed to be doing.

Office manager Simon Williams told us, “It was strange, the whole office just stopped for about thirty seconds, and then seemed to focus precisely on that thing we pay them to do.

“It’s only Monday morning, but we’ve already processed more paperwork than we’d normally do by Wednesday afternoon.

“I’m going to tell the Directors we got in a couple of hundred temps, or they’ll expect this type of thing all the time.”

A Facebook spokesperson said, “We would like to offer our sincere apologies to the nation’s businesses, and rest assured we have taken steps to prevent such unexpected bursts of office-based productivity in the future.”

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