Thursday 13 January 2011

Osborne admits defeat in attempt to pretend he gives a shit about banking bonuses


Chancellor George Osborne has admitted defeat in his attempts to convince everyone he gives the tiniest shit about rich bankers getting massive bonuses.

For several months Osborne has been working tirelessly to convince the electorate that he cares about reducing bankers bonuses, an effort that has involved prolonged use of his ‘face of concern’ and frequent use of the world ‘wrong’.

However the government has admitted it has become essentially powerless to prevent the chancellor revealing his true feelings about the matter.

Osborne told friends, “It’s been exhausting, day after day, going ‘Grrrr’ and shaking my fists at people I hold in the highest esteem.”

“But enough is enough – I’ve tried my hardest, but there is nothing else I can do. The way things stand it is simply not within my power to continue pretending I care about all this.”

Banking Bonuses

The news comes after announcements that Lloyds Bank chief Eric Daniels will receive a £2m bonus this year, despite the bank still being 41% owned by the tax payer.

Political analyst Simon Thelwall told us, “There’s only so long you can talk about being desperately unhappy about something, before people expect you to actually do something about it.  And Osborne has pretty much hit that time limit.”

“He’s in danger of people starting to think he’s incompetent, or worse, a simpleton being led by the nose by workers in the city.”

“So it seems the Chancellor has decided that he would rather people realised he doesn’t care, than was incapable.”

“Surveys actually show that voters prefer a Machiavellian genius, than an incompetent moron.  So he’s now trying to convince us he’s the former, instead the latter.”

Tory backbenchers are unhappy with the move, with one unnamed source telling us, “It’s a slippery slope from here, if the Chancellor can’t conceal his true feelings about the bankers for just a few short months, what’s going to happen when everyone finds out what he thinks of the NHS?”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: