Wednesday 12 January 2011 by @johnnybeelzebub

You’re still good enough for us, NHS tells Jacko death doctor


After learning he will stand trial for Michael Jackson’s manslaughter, Dr Conrad Murray has been told that he could still be welcomed with open arms by the NHS.

Murray stands accused of failing to provide proper care and irresponsibly administering a potentially lethal cocktail of sedatives to Jackson in June 2009, however Health Minister Simon Burns said that generous qualification criteria for overseas doctors should allow him to get a job in a state run hospital.

“The vetting procedures for doctors in this country are very simple,” Mr Burns told reporters. “If you know which end of a stethoscope to use, and look convincing enough in a white coat then you’ll do.”

“Let’s not forget that we let Gillian McKeith use the word ‘Doctor’ in her title, and she’s about as medically qualified as Katie Price.”

“If Dr Murray can use really long words that confuse all his patients, and can talk to nurses in the most condescending fashion possible then he could go far, to the very top in fact.”

“We’re always looking for borderline competent overseas doctors, so Dr Murray could get a job over here quicker than you could get an ambulance for that shooting pain down your left arm. Perhaps even faster.”

Conrad Murray Manslaughter charge

While Murray has welcomed the kind offer from the UK Health Minister, he still has to stand trial across the Atlantic before bringing his much needed expertise to the UK.

Murray told the gathered press, “I am thankful to Mr Burns, but this is a very serious crime that I stand accused of.”

“As such, much of my time in the coming weeks and months will be focused solely on preparing for media interviews, writing my autobiography, and working on the screenplay adaptation of this whole affair.”

“Don’t worry though, once I’ve sold the movie rights I’ll be right over to start dispensing my very own special brand of medical advice.”

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