Wednesday 12 January 2011

Women call for mass cull to prevent man-flu pandemic


Man-flu cull

Women everywhere have suggested that the only way to prevent the escalation of this winter’s man-flu epidemic is a mass cull of all 20 million potential victims of the yet-to-be isolated virus.

With reported cases of man-flu at a twenty-five year high, women have suggested drastic action in the killing of millions of potentially healthy males is required to prevent a global medical catastrophe.

Woman Emily James told us, “It’s a big step, we know that, and we recognise we’ll have to start rebuilding society again, but it’s the only action we can take if we are to prevent infection of the stock we’re actually interested in keeping.

“It’s standard practice in the animal world for animals suffering a virulent strain to be culled in their thousands, so it’s not like we don’t have a decent precedent for this.

“We can do it humanely, with something like a bullet between the eyes, or an electric shock to the brain, or perhaps a thousand tiny puncture marks from a really small knife – we don’t mind.”

The controversial plan has been backed by women across the country who are keen to see preventative action taken immediately.

Tracy Fowler told reporters, “My ex-boyfriend needs culling, as he was definitely showing symptoms just as he dumped me two weeks before Christmas.”

“And Dave who I went out with earlier last year, I spoke to him the other evening and he sounded very man-fluey.  Add him to the list, definitely.”

Spokeswoman Emily James concluded, “Our recommendation would be that if your man has contracted the virus, first you must cull him, then immediately cull any other man he might have had contact with in pubs or clubs over the previous three weeks.

“Absolute vigilance is essential.”

Do you know a Man-flu survivor?

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