Monday 10 January 2011

Beckhams launch bidding process for naming rights to fourth child


David and Victoria Beckham have announced they are expecting a fourth child by launching the bidding process to secure the naming rights to their latest progeny.

Though no due-date has yet been released, it is expected the naming-rights bidding process will be concluded by April, with the unveiling ceremony at a private hospital shortly afterwards.

Sports marketing consultant consultant Jeremy Williams said the move was the next logical evolution for the world’s most marketable simpletons.

“Association with brand Beckham is the absolute pinnacle for many companies and products, and a lifelong walking advert likely to be in every tawdry weekly magazine for the next twenty years is a remarkable sponsorship opportunity.”

“I have heard that early favourites included Adidas Beckham and eBay Beckham, though we’re expecting a strong late bid for Qatar 2022 Beckham.”

Beckhams pregnant

There is already speculation as to just how pregnant Victoria Beckham actually is, with some experts predicting that anything over four months would see her stomach already resembling Han Solo frozen in carbonite.

Doctor Michael Griffiths said, “We can only hope her family is force feeding her real food, as going to term on macrobiotic seaweed is unlikely to result in anything other than a miserable sour-faced child, or a mini-posh.”

Bed and Breakfast owner Reg Dwight enquired about the sponsorship of the fourth child, telling us, “We thought it would do wonders for our business.”

“Sunnyside B&B Bognor Regis Beckham has a certain ring to it, don’t you think? I’d pay a few grand for that.”

“Also, David has also agreed to get the brand tattooed in Sanskrit near the names of his other children, just above ‘This Way Up’ and ‘Squeeky Voiced Moron’.  Which is nice.”

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