Wednesday 5 January 2011

HMV urged to try selling things that people still give a shit about


Ailing music retailer HMV has been urged to start selling things that people can’t get instant access to, far more cheaply, on the Internet.

After announcing a poor trading period over Christmas and the closure of 60 stores, HMV is looking for reasons why people don’t seem keen to go out in the cold and pay through the nose for a compact disc they’re only going to digitise anyway.

Consumer Mike Williams told us, “If HMV are looking for a reason why they’re not doing too well, I would tell them that there is a very good reason why the nation’s streets aren’t chock-full of horse and cart showrooms.”

“If they can’t connect those massive dots, then they deserve to bust.”

Another former HMV customer said, “It’s a dilemma, isn’t it.  Do I use the increasingly small pay packet from my perpetually under-threat job to pay the mortgage this month, or do I give them a tenner for the new album by N-Dubz?”

“It’s a tough one, make no mistake.”

HMV store closures

Business analysts have come to HMV’s defence, insisting there is still a place for them in the modern high street environment.

Dwight Burrows of McKinley Walton & Pratt told us, “If you’re happy making a trip outside your home and paying a premium to wait for a physical product to be handed to you by a surly teenager, then HMV still offers the perfect shopping experience for you.”

“There are plenty of people who enjoy such misery, so I would suggest HMV begin advertising in various S&M publications.”

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