Wednesday 5 January 2011 by @johnnybeelzebub

Beckham mortified as wife makes plans for similar UK return


David Beckham has voiced his gut-wrenching disappointment at his wife’s decision to join him in England, completely ruining his hopes for three months of marital bliss whilst on loan at Tottenham Hotspur.

For each of the last two years, the former England captain has enjoyed much needed breaks away from his professional coat-hanger partner and understandably, had been hoping to do the same again in 2011.

Now it appears that David is watching his best laid plans crumble before his eyes as Victoria has not only decided that she is tagging along, but that she is bringing the children with her.

“I didn’t see that coming,” Beckham admitted. “I believe ‘crestfallen’ is the word. It’s been great getting a break from you-know-who every year, especially just after Christmas, but I guess I allowed myself to get a little complacent.”

“I’d been using the same trick for the last couple of years by palming her off on Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes but they know my little tricks too well now, and they’re not letting me get away with that this time.”

“I’ve even begged her to leave the kids in LA with their uncle Elton but she didn’t like that idea. She reckons he’ll struggle to cope with the one David got him for Christmas. I don’t think anyone would argue with that.”

Tottenham Contract

All is not yet lost for Beckham however, as club sources tell us that his representatives are trying to negotiate a recording contract for his wife as part of his Tottenham deal, and insisting any tracks must be recorded on the West coast of the US.

A Tottenham insider said, “He’s asked for a top R&B producer, a minimum commitment on promotional spend, and a studio as far away from London as possible.”

“Though we’re not really a music industry company, if it’s what we need to do to sweeten the deal, then we’ll happily send someone out there for her to scream and warble at for the next three months.”

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