Tuesday 4 January 2011 by @johnnybeelzebub

Latest iPhone glitch proves iPhones are more useful than iPhone owners


A problem with the alarm on the iPhone 4 has confirmed the long held suspicion that the newest iPhones are of far more use than their owners.

The glitch which prevented alarm clocks from going off was discovered during the first two days of 2011 and resulted in thousands of people missing flights and trains that would probably have been cancelled, while others were unable to turn up to work in jobs that they did not want to do anyway.

“I didn’t show up for work for two days,” confessed Gareth Norton, one affected owner.

“It was Saturday and Sunday and I don’t actually work on those days but that’s not the point.”

“If my iPhone alarm doesn’t go off every three seconds I could forget to breathe. It happened before when the battery ran out around Christmas and it scares me to think that it could happen again.”

“Thankfully on that occasion my wife’s alarm went off about a minute later,” Gareth continued. “It was to remind her that we have a newborn baby and he needed feeding. It saved my life.”

iPhone Alarm

Several organisations including Ryanair were left vastly understaffed as iPhone users, but more importantly their devices themselves, did not make it into work.

Ryanair CEO Michael O‘Leary told reporters, “I couldn’t care less when the droves of drones don’t turn show up for work, but their iPhones are sorely missed. They’re the only literate and numerate members of our entire establishment.”

“It’s not just the capabilities of the phones that we miss. It’s the sheer force of their personalities. They’re the most charismatic characters we have working for Ryanair. Everyone knows that.”

Apple were asked for comment, but a spokesperson explained that Steve Jobs was running unexpectedly late this morning.

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