Wednesday 29 December 2010

Child therapists start bidding war over lucrative contract to treat Elton John’s son


The adoptive son of Sir Elton John has sparked a bidding war in the child therapy industry with hundreds of practitioners keen to help the child through the numerous psychological issues he will face throughout his childhood.

On the 28th December, 62 year-old Sir Elton and his partner David Furnish announced the birth of their son, Zachary Jackson Levon Furnish-John, to an unnamed surrogate mother.

Child therapist Rhodri Williams told us, “This is nothing to do with Zachary being raised by gay men, this is to do with him being raised by a slightly unhinged pop star and being highly likely to end up so far removed from reality that he will make Michael Jackson look like John Major.”

“I’ve treated a child whose Dad used to dress up as a pantomime Dame every Friday evening, so I have good experience in this area. Plus I’m cost competitive, which I’m sure is important to the modern multi-millionaire recording artist.”

Sir Elton John’s new son

Retired Psychologist Dr Mark Walton told us, “We’ve not seen a scramble like this since it was announced Michael Jackson had named his third child ‘Blanket’.  It’s a feeding frenzy in the world of treating children.”

“I’m sure David and Elton will provide a loving environment for the child, but let’s not pretend he’s going to be a well-balanced adult working in the finance department of the local council.”

Meanwhile The Priory is refusing to comment on rumours that it has set aside one of it’s most luxurious suites for Zachary when he reaches his 18th birthday.

“We do not comment on patients, potential or otherwise, but needless to say we can cater for those raised in even the most demanding of environments. And yes, our financial forecast for 2029 looks quite good right now.”

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