Tuesday 28 December 2010

Armed gunmen still awaiting first victory


Armed gunmen around the country have insisted their first victory is just around the corner after yet another of their number came off second best against armed police in Huddersfield.

Alistair Bell, a 42 year-old Huddersfield man, shot at police raising early hopes that maybe this might be the elusive win that armed nutjobs have been seeking for many years, however it was not to be as he was shot dead in the early hours of this morning.

His death follows that of solicitor Mark Saunders and Raoul Moat, of whom so much was expected by the armed lunatic fraternity.

Potential armed lunatic Ryan Williams told reporters, “We’re confident that the first win is within our grasp.  When we heard this guy had shot a policeman we thought, ‘brilliant, just 140,000 to go and we’ll have that elusive victory’.”

“Unfortunately he was taken down after only inflicting minor injuries on one policeman.  But it was a start, and yes, we got a little bit over-excited to be honest.”

Police Shooting

The latest comprehensive defeat at the hands of the police has led to calls for a rethink in the way that armed gunmen are seeking to take on law enforcement officers.

An armed lunatic spokesperson told us, “Admittedly, to the casual observer, 140,000 police with the best equipment the public purse can afford, against one unhinged individual who bought a shooter from Dodgy Dave in the pub, might not seem like a fair fight.”

“But we remain confident that we can win in such a situation.  One day.”

“They say that an infinite number of monkey can recreate the complete works of Shakespeare, so it’s only a matter of time before a moron with a gun can win against the police.  That’s the dream, anyway.”

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