Monday 27 December 2010

Fined Ponting agrees to be 40% less of an arsehole


After being fined 40% of his match fee, Australia cricket captain Ricky Ponting has agreed to be 40% less of an arsehole for the remainder of the fourth test in Melbourne.

Ponting argued that Kevin Pietersen should have been given out, despite concrete proof to the contrary, prompting a prolonged outburst from the angry dwarf who wan convinced he knew better than three umpires, some cutting edge technology, and viewers all around the world.

Ponting was said to be unhappy with the involvement of the third umpire, insisting that their introduction has ruined cricket.

He told reporters, “What is the point of a third umpire if I can’t get all up his face and berate him in person for decisions I don’t like?”

“It would take me three of four minutes to go up to the stands to reach them, which is far too much of a delay.  If I can’t shout at them in person, they shouldn’t be involved.”

Ponting fined for dissent

Many experts have said the 40% fine is insufficient, considering the extent of Ponting’s dissent, however the ICC have argued there were other factors to take into account.

A spokesperson said, “There were extenuating circumstances with regard to his behaviour, in that he’s Australian, and he’s losing.”

“It’s a genetic and cultural thing.  Losing Aussies are extremely dangerous, and you have to be extremely careful of the smaller ones, they’re often the most dangerous.”

“It’s best to just give your decision quickly, then back away slowly whilst facing the Australian at all times, and maintain eye contact throughout.  If it knows you’re scared it is likely to attack.”

“If you do get bitten, seek medical attention immediately.”

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