Friday 24 December 2010 by Formelia Alberthine

Sheridan ‘excited’ at prospect of extended stay at same sex swinger club


Tommy Sheridan has said he is ‘very excited’ at the prospect of an extended stay at one of Scotland’s famed same sex swingers clubs having been convicted of perjury following a 12 week trial at the High Court in Glasgow.

The 46-year-old former MSP was found guilty of lying about lying down with several others to form a human sex scrum in scenes acceptable only at a John Leslie run care home, during his successful defamation case against the News of the World newspaper in 2006.

Sheridan, who can only ejaculate whilst viewing breasts providing succour to several men ugly enough to be his Dad, said he was very much looking forward to the free love policy that was the trademark of the members only same sex club located in Barlinnie on the outskirts of Glasgow.

“I’d like to thank all at the News of the World for finally turning round my membership application after what feels like an age.” he told reporters.

“I understand that the normal process for these sort of establishments is to provide a load of old tosh about what kind of guy you are, what sort of stuff your into and all that?”

“Well, I suppose you could say that I made the case for my membership over the course of my two court appearances, and I’m just glad I did.”

Tommy Sheridan guilty

Sheridan has requested the top bunk of any private enclosure he inhabits to ensure he has a good view of his surroundings at all times.

‘To now find myself lined up for a spell luxuriating in the presence of sexually repressed clientele for weeks on end is like coming home.”

“I’ll be hoping to refine my pick up technique somewhat so that one day I can be the centre of attention in any car park worth its salty secretion.”

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