Thursday 23 December 2010

Guardian angels useless against a solid punch, finds new study


Guardian Angel

A study of people who think they have a guardian angel has found the benevolent winged God-minions to be completely ineffective against a well-timed right-cross.

After one-third of morons who visited a Bible Society website said they believed they were protected by a guardian angel, an unofficial study has gone on to test the level of protection offered.

Unofficial survey organiser, Shane McManus told us, “I myself offer ‘protection services’ you see, so I’m keen to know just what I’m up against.”

“It’s a simple process, I ask if you think you’ve got a guardian angel, and if you say yes I punch you in the face, and make a note if something ethereal stops me.”

“No, so far I have a 100% punch success rate.”

Guardian Angels

Critics of the unofficial survey have said McManus is not giving the guardian angels long enough to react to the potential threat, an argument countered McManus.

“Yeah, I thought about that. The guy who runs the launderette answered yes, so I made a mental note to come back and burn down his shop that night.”

“I went home and drew up plans of what I was going to do, and them went to the store to buy accelerant, giving the guardian angel plenty of time to see me, and to do something about it.”

“Turns out launderettes burn really quickly. Who knew?”

A Bible Society spokesperson said the extra survey proved nothing, as the guardian angel only leaps into action if someone is in mortal danger, before adding, “No, I’d rather you didn’t test that hypothesis either, if it’s all the same.”

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