Tuesday 21 December 2010

Delayed Heathrow passengers turn feral


Reports are surfacing that large numbers of Heathrow passengers have gone feral, with rival tribes emerging from the carnage of those waiting for different airlines to take them out of the country.

Early rumours indicate that a gentleman known only as ‘Ralph’ has gathered up some of the larger travellers into a group of Alpha males using a discarded traffic cone as a calling horn.

Foraging expeditions began in earnest yesterday, but since all remaining vending machines were emptied, a vicious battle broke out among rivals for the limited fare on offer at the remaining Costa coffee store.

An eye witness told us, “They were struck idle to begin with, but then the hunters emerged.  One of them returned this morning with the head of a customer services representative, which they’ve placed on a stick near check-in zone E.”

“They’re calling the severed head the ‘Lord of the Flyers’.”

“They’ve also taken to to using the make-up available in duty free as face-paint, they might look a bit ridiculous, but they do smell lovely.”

Further Heathrow delays

Unconfirmed reports claim that a rival faction has been created by a man known as ‘Jack’ and that many of the more feral passengers have begun to turn on the weaker members of the group under his direction.

One grainy mobile photograph appears to show a piggy looking young gentleman who was killed when they dropped an over-sized piece of luggage on top of him.

Our eye-witness concluded, “This whole place is on the verge of a complete social collapse.  The sooner we are rescued, the better for everyone.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: