Wednesday 15 December 2010

We get extra points for the wheelchair ones, clarify riot police


Following criticism of their treatment of a wheelchair bound protester during last week’s student protests, police have sought to clarify the situation explaining they get extra points for hitting the wheelchair ones.

Cerebral palsy sufferer Jody McIntyre was dragged from his wheelchair on two occasions, one of which was filmed by protesters.

A police spokesperson explained, “You have to understand that wheelchair protesters present a unique challenge for any overly-aggressive riot policeman worth his salt.”

“You can’t simply hit them and move on, as it’s generally frowned upon in polite society to pick on the disabled.  That’s why you get extra points for doing so – there has to be an added incentive.”

“Anyone can batter Swampy and his friends over their heads when they’re at the front of any demonstration.  That’s kid’s play.”

“It takes training, skill, and balls the size of space hoppers to tackle the disabled with the same ferocity, and that needs to be adequately recognised.”

Wheelchair protester

The spokesperson went on to explain that unofficial points secured during riots affect the esteem with which riot police are held by their colleagues.

“The jackpot is a pregnant woman, obviously, but none of us have had the balls to go for one yet.  But there’s a few of the new recruits that seem well up for it. We’ll see next time, I guess.”

“As far as the scoring is concerned, you’re better off dragging one former wheelchair occupier across the street than you are hitting twenty swampy-a-likes. Plus, you know, they don’t really hit back. Which is nice.”

“Tell you who did it? Don’t be ridiculous, there’s a reason we all cover up our police numbers before playing this game.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: