Tuesday 14 December 2010

Thin Brummies to be reclassified as endangered species


After the West Midlands was announced as the most obese region in Europe, thin Brummies have passed the first stage in becoming an endangered species.

Figures from the Association of Public Health Observatories reveal that the UK is the fattest EU member and has one of the highest rates of teen pregnancies.

These latest teen pregnancy figures have been welcomed by teenage boys everywhere, who congratulated each other with a high-five and a donut.

16 year-old Wayne Matthews said, “We spend a lot of time eating junk food and trying to get into the knickers of the local strumpets, so we see this as recognition for our not insignificant efforts.”

“People might think the Italians are the ‘lovers of Europe’, but no-one can pester girls for unprotected sex with the promise of bag a chips quite like a British teenager.”

“Go Team UK!”

Birmingham Obesity

News that the West Midlands is now the most obese region in Europe means that thin brummies are likely to be the subject of a large number of conservation efforts in the coming years.

Birmingham councillor Roger Matthews said, “Thin brummies are like our very own pandas – and we should get a similar amount of funding to protect them.  At least the thin brummies are interested in having sex, even it’s only with each other.”

“We are looking at measures to preserve their natural habitat, which will mean that certain gyms will be protected so they can’t be knocked down to make way got another KFC.”

“We’ve investigated various mating programmes, and we’ll be encouraging selective breeding at various night spots on Broad Street.”

“We’ll also be arranging paid tours for rich tourists looking to see one of the few remaining thin brummies in the wild, and our new ‘I sponsor a thin brummie’ t-shirts should be ready by the end of the week.”

“If we don’t all pull together, our grand-children will never get to see a real thin brummie, and we’ll have to make do with photographs to prove they even existed.”

“Or we could just point at the odd Crossroads repeat.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: