Friday 10 December 2010 by Spacey

Mayan calendar prediction that world will end in 2012 welcomed by Newcastle fans


A prediction in the Mayan calendar that the world will end in 2012 has been embraced by Newcastle United supporters as they struggle to come to terms with the five and a half year contract that has been offered to new manager Alan Pardew.

Some fans have even asked Mayanist scholars if the date can be brought forward by a couple of years in light of upcoming fixtures against Man City and Tottenham.

As one season ticket holder explained, “The Earth colliding with a passing planet or disappearing into a black hole sounds pretty good to me right now.”

“Something quick and painless that takes away the impending doom at St James’ Park would be very welcome.”

“Scientists may have rejected the apocalyptic forecasts as pseudoscience, but I’ve got to have hope. What are we without hope?”

Alan Pardew Newcastle Manager

Sunderland fans have been quick to gloat at Newcastle’s predicament, with message-boards full of taunts pointing out that the events predicted in the Mayan Long Count calendar are contradicted by simple astronomical observations.

One reads, “LMFAO! The Skunkers don’t seem to realise that none of the proposed alignments or formulae has been accepted by mainstream scholarship! LOLZ! ROFL!”

Scientists have backed Sunderland’s fans with one leading scientist stating, “There’s no evidence at all to suggest that the world will end in December of 2012.”
“However there is a strong belief within the scientific community that in approximately five years Newcastle will be playing in the Blue Square Premier League.”

Speaking to 5 Live, Match of the Day pundit Mark Lawrenson revealed, “If you rearrange the digits in the 1,290 days of Daniel 12:7 to produce 2019. then take the 1,335 value from the same verse and add the number 691 – the approximate year that the Dome of the Rock was built in Jerusalem, to produce 2026.”

“That would indicate that the world will end sometime between 2019 and 2026.”

“It doesn’t look good for Newcasle fans, does it?”

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