Thursday 9 December 2010

Students set to find out just how effective violent protest is


Students across the country are set to learn an important life lesson today when the government completely ignores all of their protests to vote in a significant rise in tuition fees.

There have been a large number of angry protests across the country, as the student body mobilised for an important lesson in futility.

Psychologist William Morris told us, “Learning about the futility of our rebellious actions in the face of authority is something many of us never truly understand until we get a job or a career.” ”

But these students are being given the opportunity to learn just how the world really works whilst still in full-time education.”

“The arrival of the dead look that people get behind the eyes when they realise this is how it’s going to be forever is an important right of passage for young people.”

“Personally, I would like to see lessons added to the national curriculum where we explain just how ineffective throwing fire extinguishers off the roof actually is, unless there’s a fire at ground level and you’re trying to help someone.”

Student fee vote

Not all students have accepted defeat, with some of the more gullible ones still hoping for a positive outcome during the parliamentary vote.

Student protester Mike Jones told us, “Call me an idealist, but I still cling to the hope that kicking the doors in and setting fire to police vans is the way to effect real change in this country.”

“People say it’s childish, but it’s much more grown up than throwing myself to the floor and having a tantrum in Waitrose, which is how I got my way until a few years ago.”

“No, if mummy and daddy are anything to go by, then this evening’s vote will definitely see me getting my own way.”

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