Thursday 9 December 2010 by Spacey

Jamie Oliver releases fastest selling door stop of all time


Jamie Oliver’s latest ‘book’ has become the fastest selling door stop of all time, selling 110,000 copies to mindless idiots in the last week alone.

Jamie’s 30-Minute Meals has sold 735,000 copies in 10 weeks, beating the previous door stop record held by comedian Peter Kay, whose memoir, The Sound of Laughter, is currently keeping thousands of troublesome doors completely wide open.

Jamie’s 30-Minute Meals, which contains some paper with words on, and is encased in hardback, has been described by one critic as “the ideal size and weight for keeping open the most stubborn of doors.”

“What we have hear is a practical tome that will offer the owner reasonable levels of functionality long after they realise they have no intention of ever cooking anything within it.”

Jamie Oliver record breaking book

Experts have explained that Oliver’s new ‘book’ has really captured the imagination of people with absolutely no imagination.

Tom Tivnan, features editor of The Bookseller magazine explained, “Christmas is a time when people will buy any old crap without using any thought whatsoever, and as such it is the perfect time for TV personalities to churn out any old bollocks.”

“It will some become clear to the recipient of the book that if they don’t have ingredients such as balsamic vinegar and goat’s cheese, substituting them with Sarsons and dairylea, will leave them falling well short of the fine dining experience they were hoping for.”

“Inevitably the book will take up its new role as door stop by the new year.”

Jamie Oliver was delighted at the news of the new record, “£26 for a doorstop! Bish bash bosh dib dab dob wallop!” he told reporters, who spent the next 10 minutes wiping saliva from their faces.

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