Tuesday 7 December 2010 by Doug Furlong

EU to issue healthy eating guidance to European sharks


A recent report has highlighted that sharks are potentially facing a health time bomb from eating an increasingly unhealthy diet of fatty Europeans.

While sharks have traditionally stuck to sushi, recently they increasingly have been tucking into European tourists, themselves weaned on increasingly poor fodder.

This has led to EU concerns that sharks could be heading towards a generation with increasing obesity, heart disease other preventable diseases.

An EU spokesman told us, “All we are suggesting is that all large pelagic predators follow a healthy balanced diet.”

“While it is OK to take the odd bite out of a lean surfer, you should balance this with plenty of exercise and make sure you avoid overly salted fatty food – like Glaswegians – at all costs.”

Shark attacks deemed unhealthy

Spokesman for the shark alliance, Desmond White, said “No-one likes the nanny state sticking its nose into the business of sea creatures however, if us top predators are not to end up looking like Free Willy we know we need to cut back sometimes.”

“The odd Italian is OK, but lately some Whitetips have been popping down the beach and snacking on far too many German takeaways.”

Nora Porter from Greepeace said, “Its not just the heath of sharks it’s the environmental impact as well.”

“Many of these tourists are specially flown in from all over the world, packed tightly into airplanes and then kept in cramped resorts before being force fed poor food in terrible conditions.”

“Also, it’s not just the CO2 its also the packaging we need to consider. Eat a nice free range surfer and all you get is a nice pair of bio degradable board shorts, but some of these tourists are wrapped in neoprene and their snorkels can take decades to bio-degrade.”

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