Monday 6 December 2010

Licence fee payers insist Today programme increases c*nt quota to five a week


Television licence fee payers everywhere have this morning insisted that Radio 4’s Today programme would be infinitely more enjoyable if the presenters referred to people in the news as cunts at least five times a week.

Radio 4 presenter James Naughtie referred to Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt as ‘Jeremy Cunt’ shortly before 8am, prompting nods of approval from listeners everywhere.

Regular Today programme listener Deirdre Williams told us, “I was quite surprised, but obviously pleased to hear that the programme’s editors had finally become attuned with the way the public feels about the current government.”

“Plus it had a certain ring to it. I don’t know Jeremy Hunt personally, but he’s a Tory MP so I think it’s pretty safe to assume Naughtie’s description was entirely accurate.”

Licence fee payer Terrence Byrne said, “I think one cunt a day is about the level I’d accept, but maybe every now and again they could save them up and use them all at once.  Perhaps when Jeremy Clarkson is in the news?”

Today Programme Cunt

Early indications are that listener figures will rise dramatically if Radio 4 were to announce plans to include a greater number of cunts in the daily current affairs programme moving forward.

Radio 2 listener Shane Logan told us, “Imagine the tension there would be in their interviews if you thought that any second now John Humphrys was about to call a member of the cabinet a cunt.  It would fast become absolutely essential listening. I’d happily ditch Chris Evans for that.”

“If they want the youth of today to take more interest in current affairs, then keep calling politicians cunts.  I guarantee the ratings will go through the roof.”

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