Thursday 2 December 2010

Nation eagerly awaits announcement of official World Cup bid scapegoat


After Russia were announced as hosts of the 2018 World Cup, fans across the country has said they are eagerly awaiting the FA’s announcement regarding the official England World Cup bid scapegoat.

It is understood that England’s bid was discounted in the first round, ensuring the clamour for someone to blame has reached fever pitch already.

Football analysts suggest that early front runners for official scapegoat include the BBC Panorama programme, and hooligans in Birmingham who chose the night before the bid to stage a violent pitch invasion.

One told us, “It seems that FIFA executives don’t like people talking about all of the bribes they take. Particularly not on television. Who knew?”

England fans are keen to know who to blame, with Wembley season ticket holder Simon Williams explaining, “If we’d lost in the last two we could probably accept it for a while, but to go out first we absolutely need someone to blame, and we need to be able to blame them now.”

“If they make the announcement quickly enough it might even make the evening papers, so I’d like to begin building up the bile and hatred towards them sooner rather than later.”

“I hope it’s David Beckham, I’ve hated fact I’ve not been able to hate him properly since France 1998.”

World Cup Bid

The bid team have been magnanamous in defeat, explaining that the billionaire oligarchs of Russia and Qatar have done an excellent job in buying the tournament.

An FA spokesperson explained, “If I was a FIFA executive committee member, I think I could probably have been convinced to put my vote the way of a billionaire gangster who keeps hitmen on his speed dial.  They can be very convincing.”

“I think we have learned that if you have the option of building a bid around either the carrot or the stick, your bid should involve the stick, preferably tipped with some sort of radioactive poison.”

Russian journalist Ivan Gregski concluded, “Has anyone, anywhere, considered the possibility that the Russian bid was just a bit better than England’s? No, I didn’t think so.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: