Thursday 2 December 2010 by Spacey

Fears grow as Fifa thought to prefer Spanish monkey taunts to English crowd violence


Fears were growing amongst England’s World Cup campaigners this morning after it was revealed that FIFA were leaning towards Spain’s promise of monkey taunts as opposed to England’s pledge of crowd violence.

The hosts for the 2018 World Cup will be decided this morning when twenty-two FIFA executives will try and make a plausible case for the country which has given the most money.

Despite attempts by Birmingham and Aston Villa fans to highlight England’s impressive record of pitch invasions, ripping up seats and fighting in car parks, England has apparently failed and a World Cup of barracking black players now looks more likely.

Prime minister David Cameron, Prince William and David Beckham are fronting the bid, and it is believed that Mr Cameron will highlight last night’s crowd disorder at St Andrews as proof that England can host a ‘Carnival of Carnage’, insisting that when it comes to televised hooliganism English football fans are anything but camera shy.

The Spanish contingent have been buoyed by the rumours with one of the committee saying “We hope that this is true. We are confident that monkey taunts will become as popular as the Mexican Wave.”

FIFA World Cup 2018 bid

The Russian delegation have dismissed Spain’s record of intimidating black players, claiming that they are capable of switching from monkey taunts to violence in the blink of an eye.

A Russian bid team member told FIFA, “What is the point of merely shouting at black players, if you can’t easily hire a thug from a local gangster to beat one of them up for you? This is what you get from a Russian World Cup.”

An unnamed FIFA source told us, “The Fifa executives did look at Russia’s impressive record of monkey chant taunting, but they felt that bananas were not in as good a supply as they are in Spain, and this counted against them.”

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