Former Archbishop of Canterbury Lord Carey has encouraged Christians to ‘wear their faith with pride’ after many expressed concern that they are being treated with the sort of contempt they normally reserved for homosexuals.
Lord Carey will launch a leaflet in which he says, “I am proud of our tradition of tolerance towards straight people and our historic commitment to welcoming perfectly heterosexual strangers.”
“Obviously it goes without saying that any strangers would have to complete a questionnaire to ascertain their sexual preference before we start rolling out the red carpet.”
“You should also read nothing into the fact that I’m launching this campaign on World Gay Plague Day – sorry, World AIDS Day.”
The campaign, called “Not Ashamed Day” is being organised by Christian Concern, who are worried that they are unable to do and say whatever they want, whenever they want, without question.
The group have highlighted the case of Gary McFarlane, who was sacked as a Relate Counsellor for refusing to give sex therapy to gay couples.
“The thought of men joined in a sordid daisy chain of sodomy, their muscular frames glistening with sweat as they explore each other’s bodies. Probing, caressing, licking…ahem, these aren’t things that Christians want to have to think about let alone deal with.” Revealed a Christian Concern spokesman before holding his Bible in front of his groin.
Christian Pride Day
Terry Sanderson, president of the National Secular Society has criticised the campaign amid further claims by Lord Carey that Christmas is “something of which some are ashamed.”
“Everyone loves Christmas!” He insisted. “We get a few extra days of work and on Christmas day you can get a bit drunk by mid-morning without feeling like you’ve got an alcohol problem. What’s not to like?”
“The only thing wrong with Christmas is the bit about Christ, and the mass thing.”
“But the timing makes perfect sense when you think about it. I mean, Jesus is basically Santa Clause for grown-ups.”