Wednesday 17 November 2010

iTunes set to announce fastest selling disappointment of all time


iTunes is reporting that the Beatles back catalogue is set to be the fastest-selling disappointment in the history of the online store, just as soon as people realise the tracks sound exactly the same as the other four versions they own.

After years of negotiations, the Apple run iTunes store will finally be able to sell the Beatles back catalogue, which comprises sixteen albums and compilations that anyone who actually likes the Beatles already has in their possession.

Beatles fan Mike Harrison was one of the first to download the back catalogue, and spoke to us as it completed, saying, “I can’t wait to hear to crispness and clarity you only get with an MP3 download it’ll be just like being in the studi….hang on, this isn’t even as good as the CD.”

“A hundred and fifty quid I paid for this.  Christ, this is nearly as disappointing as the time I bought that digitally remastered blu-ray directors cut of Star Wars. It still ends the same you know.”

Beatles on iTunes

Music analysts said this was a significant win for Apple, as it was another way for them to make money from people who really should know better.

James Michaels of Beatles label EMI said, “This is a wonderful day for our shareholders everywhere, many of whom had long believed we had wrung every last drop of possible revenue from the Beatles name.  How wrong they were.”

“We’re not even manufacturing anything.  No cases, no covers. Nothing.  It is literally like printing money. Yes, yes, I am expecting a significant bonus this year.”

Surviving Beatle Ringo Starr said he was delighted at the news, as it will “finally stop people pestering me about news ways to give me money I barely deserve.”

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