Monday 15 November 2010

Manchester criminals give full backing to government’s police budget cuts


Criminals across Manchester have offered their unreserved backing to government cutbacks which will see Greater Manchester Police lose a quarter of its workforce.

Greater Manchester Police Authority (GMPA) said nearly 3,000 posts would have to be cut from its 12,000 staff after seeing its budget cut by £134m over the next four years.

Manchester petty-thief David Gallagher gave his backing to the cutbacks, saying, “Manchester police have been incredibly inefficient for years now, it’s about time the government did something about.”

“For too long they’ve been free to waste the money of the tax payers I’ve dedicated my life to robbing. It’s just not right.”

“Sometimes they’ll chase me two or three at a time, and still not get even close of apprehending me.”

“In reality, all it really takes is one moderately well-trained officer to fail in catching me, and that saving goes straight to the bottom line.”

Greater Manchester Police cuts

A Home Office spokesperson explained that the cuts will have little operational impact, as long criminals agree to reduce their activity by a third.

“Cutting a third of all police might seem excessive, but if we also see an equal drop in criminal activity you won’t even notice the difference.”

“That saving could come from all criminals in the region moving to a three and a half day week, or maybe a third of them could just ‘go straight’.”

“As we’ve said all along, everyone needs to do their bit in these times of austerity, and the criminals of Manchester are no different.”

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