Monday 15 November 2010

Chandlers told Danyl Johnson didn’t win X Factor


Freed British couple Paul and Rachel Chandler have had the news broken to them that Danyl Johnson did not win the X Factor while they were being held hostage by Somali pirates.

After a year in which they had no access to global news sources, the Chandlers had remained confident that Danyl Johnson would win the competition after performing the best audition they had seen.

A spokesperson for the Chandlers told reporters, “They’re shocked, as you can imagine.  They were big Danyl fans, and by the time they were kidnapped he was a big favourite at the bookies.”

“This is the tragic side of kidnapping that people rarely see.  Paul and Rachel would sit there talking about what sort of album Danyl would release, and whether he would be dating a page three model by now.”

“So you can imagine their disappointment when we told them it was won by the little geordie boy who sings like a girl.  They thought we were joking.  Rachel actually cried a little bit.”

Somali Pirates

The Chandlers have so far refused to listen to any records by Joe McElderry or Olly Murs, claming they need to time to grieve for Johnson’s career.

Hostage therapist Doris Matthews told reporters, “We shouldn’t subject them to too much X Factor material just yet. They will have constructed an elaborate fantasy world in which that show is based around singing talent.”

“To bring that fiction crushing down around them too quickly could see them revert into a comatose state.  It’s better we drip feed them details of how little of the X Factor is related to singing ability.”

“On the brightside, at least they’ll be able to see Danyl at a Butlins near them some time soon.”

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