Wednesday 10 November 2010 by Doug Furlong

Equity to fit all unionised Giraffes with lightning conductors


After Hamley the Giraffe, star of ITV drama Wild At Heart, was killed by a bolt of lightning, actors union Equity has confirmed that it will be fitting all Giraffe members with lightning conductors.

A spokesman from the series reported that the cast and crew were ‘devastated’ by the news, and that the Giraffe had a rather ‘gamey taste not unlike a beef’.

“He was such a talented Giraffe, there were rumours he’d secured a part in the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie. But most of all, none of us here realised he’d be quite so delicious.”

Following a review by Health and Safety experts, actors union Equity has decided to fit all Giraffe members with lightning rods to prevent future tragedies caused by a clearly vengeful God.

“Our first instinct was that God had missed his target, and was actually going after Stephen Tomkinson in payback for Ballykissangel. Turns out he just hates thespian Giraffes.”

Giraffe lightning rod

The lightning rods, which are to be fitted by a specially trained team of basketball player,s will be rolled out  in the coming months.

Rod Wilkinson, the head of safety at BBC television said, “We’ve watched the situation closely and believe this is a wise precaution and will prevent any future giraffe-related lightning tragedies.”

“We are also planning to roll out the programme for taller celebrities so you can expect to see Stephen Merchant wearing a special harness when he films outside in future.”

“We will not of course be changing our policy of encouraging Jeremy Clarkson to run around in thunderstorms waving a large copper pole.”

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