Tuesday 9 November 2010

George W Bush still convinced waterboarding is fancy water-skiing


George W Bush yesterday claimed that waterboarding saved British lives, though he admitted he still doesn’t quite understand how being towed behind a boat doing stunts helps the intelligence community.

Promoting his new book, the former president spent time talking to reporters to illustrate just how little he knows about the real world.

He told the interviewer, “The security team insisted they needed to do some waterboarding, and who am I to say no when my team tells me they need to go and play about on a lake?”

“They brought along a lawyer who said it was fine, which seemed a little excessive, but I know the health and safety rules in the federal government can be quite difficult to navigate.”

“I admit I didn’t understand it completely, but I learned a long time ago not to ask too many questions – it can make you look like a proper idiot. It’s much better to look grave for a few seconds and then say ‘yes’.”

“If they told me that waterboarding was necessary, then so be it. I can only assume the lakes are better in Syria, as that’s where they all seemed to want to go.”

Waterboarding

Despite international condemnation for the practise, Bush backed his decision saying it saved British and US lives.

“I’m not sure how, but mucking about behind a boat made our operatives better at their jobs so they could find out about terrorist plots against Heathrow and Los Angeles.”

“I’ve tried it myself recently, now that I’ve got a bit of time on my hands, and it was really quite exhilarating. I don’t see what all the fuss is about.  I quite enjoyed it, actually.”

“I’m not sure it would have made me any better at my job, though.”

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