The first phase of a programme to prevent all procreation on the Isle of Wight is underway, after girls as young as thirteen were given access to the pill.
The initiative, which will ultimately see the island’s population dwindle towards single figures by 2065, is said to be going well.
Head of the programme, Dr Raymond Mengele told reporters, “After years of hard work I can honestly say that we are on the verge of making the people of the Isle of Wight a thing of the past.”
“This ‘pill for children’ scheme was just the first phase, which we were kind of hoping to sneak in under radar. Next up is a vasectomy for any man visiting the dentist.”
“Sure, they might question why we’re playing with their balls instead of their mouths, but this is the Isle of Wight, we’re not expecting too much of a grilling.”
Isle of Wight
Ostensibly a programme designed to reduce teenage pregnancies, the real objective of reducing embarrassment to the rest of the UK has recently been disclosed online.
“We put it on the Internet, and that was quite deliberate. It’s online, so we’re not expecting anyone on the island to have seen it.”
“Honestly, the Isle of Wight could once again become a top holiday destination within the next forty years.”