Thursday 4 November 2010

Perverts closely monitoring invisibility cloak developments


Scientists in the UK have demonstrated a flexible film that represents a big step toward the “invisibility cloak” made famous by Harry Potter, ensuring they have the undivided attention of perverts across the country.

The film contains tiny structures that together form a “metamaterial”, which can, among other tricks, manipulate light to render the man watching you in the shower completely invisible.

Greeting the news with a joyous smile, long-time pervert Pete Williams told us, “This is simply wonderful news, no longer will us perverts be forced to suffer verbal taunts such as ‘I’m calling the police’ or ‘get out of my garden’.  They won’t even know we’re there.”

“I’m sure this will help create a whole new generation of perverts, those currently put off by the potential embarrassment of being caught in the act.”

“I believe this potential pool of new perverts is probably somewhere between 97% and 99% of the current male population.”

“Ask any man what he’d do if he had an invisibility cloak, and if he can’t instantly account for every single minute of the first six months, he’s lying.  We’ve all planned it with military precision.”

“When I get mine all I can say is that Emma Watson better start spending her bathtime in a Burkha.”

Invisibility Cloak

Experts have warned that the military might need to wait for a few years before battle-ready versions of the technology are available for use on the front line.

Lead researcher Andrea Di Falco of St Andrews University, said “What we need to do is test the cloak in areas that are not life-threatening, like in the bedroom of Sheila Davis at number 24.”

“We have a list of 2.9 million volunteers willing to take part in field trials, and once that’s complete, in say fifty or sixty years, then the army can have it.”

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