Wednesday 20 October 2010

Government to use aircraft carriers for offsite airport parking


The government is to address the falling defence budget by using aircraft carriers as offshore airport parking during the ten years in which there will be no fixed wing aircraft to fly from them.

With the end of the Harrier fleet, the navy will be left with aircraft carriers, but no aircraft to launch from them until 2020 and the arrival of the new Joint Strike Fighter.

A government spokesperson said, “Ordinarily speaking, having aircraft carriers with nothing to carry would be seen as a bit of a faux pas – but fortunately the rise in off-site airport parking is offering us a lucrative outlet for otherwise useless ships.”

“It’s worth quite a bit actually.  Leaving your car in a field at an airport often costs more than your flight in the first place, and now we can take a slice of that.”

“Obviously we will need to focus on people looking to leave their cars for six months or more, due to our other duties, but we expect to target the weekend-away crowd once we sort the logistics out.”

Aircraft Carrier

Potential customers of the new service claimed to be excited by the prospect of leaving their cars with the Royal Navy.

“Last time I went away I paid £75 to leave my car in abandoned business park outside Luton, where there were hardly any weapons to protect them.”

“I like the idea of anyone wanting my Sat Nav to be forced into avoiding a few dozen torpedoes.”

“Just promise me you won’t let the Americans have a go at looking after it, I’ve got a no claims discount to protect.”

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