Tuesday 19 October 2010

French petrol shortage forces authorities to introduce sheep burning rations


As the petrol shortage across France worsens, authorities are suggesting that they may have to introduce rations on those striking workers intent on setting fire to any sheep they can find.

In the grip of a national strike, France is finding petrol to be an increasingly scarce commodity, with many striking workers considering it’s use as fuel rather than for burning livestock.

One striking workers told reporters, “Burning sheep is a traditional French way of expressing displeasure at having to do some work, but without petrol how are we supposed to do this?”

“Francois has been chasing one round with a lighter for almost an hour now, and all he’s done is make it angry and leave a few black marks in its wool.”

“It’s a good job that sheep don’t fight back or that one would be running the joint by now.”

France petrol shortage

French authorities have been quick to insist that they are not trying to stop people’s democratic right to burn sheep, but are merely trying to make them more efficient.

“We don’t want to ban sheep burning, but maybe the striking workers could be a bit more efficient in their choice of accelerants?”

“Why tip petrol all over the sheep, when maybe you could roll each of them in turn in a bath of petrol, almost entirely eliminating any drip waste.”

“They will still go up like a scouser’s tracksuit, but a few gallons of fuel might allow them to burn thirty sheep, instead of just ten if they were throwing it about like an alcopop on an Essex girls’ night out.”

“It might be easier for the rest of us to know we can’t drive our kids to school as long as we know the striking farmers are making the best use of the petrol made available to them.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: