Tuesday 19 October 2010

Farmers facing critical shortage of things to complain about


A recent report has shown that due to a good harvest, record prices for grain and livestock, and pretty reasonable weather for harvesting, the nation’s farming community is facing a critical shortage of things to complain about.

Farmers are increasingly reporting an alarming lack of misery in British agriculture, which may change the face of the nation’s countryside for ever.

One farmer explained, “It’s not just the weather, we even have our fellow Tory landowners in Westminster, so the normal backstop of whining about the soft pinko Guardian-reading townies in power has been completely removed.”

An unnamed spokesman from the National Farmers Union told reporters, “All we’ve been left with is trying to garner sympathy by moaning about long hours, but now that everyone knows anyone with more than a few acres is a millionaire it just doesn’t have the same impact.”

“If it carries on like this then a few of us are just going to have to poison ourselves by ‘accidentally’ drinking some pesticide  – for the good of the industry as a whole you see, it’s the only way.”

Farming in crisis

More worryingly for the rural community is the number of sightings of farmers seen smiling broadly, even when they are not stringing up random pieces of local wildlife.

There are also some unconfirmed reports of farmers enjoying foreign holidays without the thinly-veiled pretence of an agricultural trade fair.

Ben Holdenstock editor of Farming Today said, “It’s a sad day when we are relying on the EU to bring in some pointless regulation about the shape of root vegetables to save us from this crisis.”

“But unless we can get a hurricane, or a decent dose of bird flu, I do not know how our industry can possibly return to normal.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: