The organisers of the 2012 London Olympics have confirmed that people will be charged at least £20.12 to witness a series of unparalleled British sporting humiliations.
Ticket prices will begin at £20.12 for the opening ceremony, with the most expensive seats at £2012 expected to be sold to sado-masochistic millionaires who really don’t know what they’re doing.
London 2012 Chairman Lord Coe said, “We were told you can’t put a price on being at an Olympic event, but I think we’ve shown that with a little imagination – and I mean a little – you can.”
“It was quite easy actually, we just needed to try and ignore the abject failure British spectators will be exposed to.”
“If people will happily pay a tenner to watch a film starring Keanu Reeves, then why won’t they pay twenty quid to watch a British middle-distance runner they’ve never heard of come last in their heat?”
Olympic ticket prices
The eight million available tickets are due to go on sale in March 2011, and customers are already excited by the prospect of paying over twenty pounds to sit in the rain pondering the enduring shame of being British.
Sports fan Dave Williams explained, “I spend most of my time supporting an essentially commercial franchise consisting of vastly-overpaid performers who fail to deliver against my meagre sporting expectations.”
“So it will be nice to experience that same level of dismal failure from enthusiastic amateurs that I’ve never heard of.”