Thursday 14 October 2010

Liverpool owners finally become top Premier League assholes


Liverpool owners Tom Hicks and George Gillette have finally shown they can compete among the top Premier League assholes after filing an injunction in some little-known hick US court to prevent the sale of the club from under them.

The asshole move comes hours after a High Court decision allowed the current board to proceed with a sale to New England Sports Ventures.

However, in a scene remeniscent of movie My Cousin Vinny the Liverpool duo pulled a provincial US judge off the golf course to grant a Temporary Restraining Order on the sale, in a place that has no jurisdiction in the UK.

They have also asking for a billion dollars in compensation because the bank is being mean to them by demanding they pay back all the money they borrowed to buy the club.

Football analyst Jeremy Williams told us, “This is the kind of move you expect from assholes at the very top of their game, the injunction is inspired, but the billion dollar lawsuit is a legendary asshole move. You have to put your hands up and say ‘bravo’.”

“If only they’d shown this type of nouse whilst Rafa Benitez was spunking away all of the club’s money on people like Lucas and Babel maybe they wouldn’t be in such a mess.”

Liverpool injunction

Commentators have pointed out that the Premier  League is built on the principles of massive assholes whose self-interest towers above the interests of the fans, and that this is the latest proof that the Liverpool owners truly belong at the top of that group.

Williams continued, “If you look at the other top football assholes, like Premier League boss Richard Scudamore, these are people who would happily punch old ladies in the face if Sky would pay a few quid to televise it.”

“This is the type of asshole Hicks and Gillette are now being favourably compared to. You could say that they’ve taken being a football-based asshole to a whole new level.”

“Unfortunately, they seem to be focussing their asshole skills on destroying the very thing they own.  The idiots.”

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