Tuesday 12 October 2010

Chop competitors arms off, say Britain’s Got Talent viewers


As a pianist with no arms won China’s version of the hit show, UK viewers have insisted that Britain’s Got Talent would be significantly improved if all contestants had their arms ripped off.

Liu Wei won the contest with his performance of You’re Beautiful, originally by James Blunt – a song traditionally played by people with arms and no taste in music.

TV critic Seamus O’Donnel said, “It’s rare that I’m jealous of Chinese television, but in this case I definitely am.  Why do our contestants insist on having arms?”

“I’m absolutely certain that ratings would go through the roof if viewers thought we’d be seeing people getting their arms torn off.”

“If producers were to rip them off on-stage that would be a bonus, but it would be enough just to know that they suffered somewhere backstage.”

Britain’s Got Talent

Viewers have said they would certainly be interested in watching a variation of the show in which performers attempted their acts without arms.

Fan of the show Shelley Jones said, “The singers would be still be dull, I mean you could fashion some sort of horse tack to hold a microphone for an armless Susan Boyle, but it’d be no more entertaining.”

“But an armless Stavros Flatley would have been tele-visual dynamite, especially with the significant chance that one of them would fall over.”

“I’m not saying we should rip of their arms during the early auditions, but certainly as we get towards the final.”

“It’d make great telly – do you want to perform for the Queen, or do you want to retain the ability to wipe your own arse?”

Simon Cowell is said to be considering adding an armless clause to the contract all contestants must sign after seeing Liu Wei become an Internet sensation.

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