Friday 8 October 2010

Manchester United announce annual losses equal to one Portuguese ponce


Manchester United have announced an annual pre-tax loss roughly equivalent to one over-priced Portugeuse prima-dona after the club realised it can’t sell Cristiano Ronaldo every single year.

The £79.6 loss for the 12 months to 30 June compares with a profit of £48m for the year before, when revenues were boosted by the £80m sale of Cristiano Ronaldo to mentally unstable Spaniard, Real Madrid.

A club spokesperson said, “This club is committed to selling Cristiano Ronaldo every year, and tough the last 12 months have proven a difficult operating period due to us not having a Cristiano Ronaldo to sell, we expect to be back selling Cristiano Ronaldo by 2011.”

“Our long-term strategy is to sell Cristiano Ronaldo until this club is once again on a sound financial footing.  Whenever that might be.”

Manchester United losses

Fans have reacted with anger at the financial results, claiming that a team like Manchester United should be in a position to sell Cristiano Ronaldo every single year.

Season-ticket holder Ricky Salford told us, “Football has changed, we can’t expect to sell Cristiano Ronaldo every year.  Sure, we might get lucky and sell him five or six years on the trot, but it’s just not sustainable in the long term.”

“I’ve said for years that we should be more like Arsenal, look at them with their fancy property portfolio, over-rated team and massive pre-tax profits.  That’s a proper football club right there.”

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