Thursday 7 October 2010 By Spacey

Scottish drug addicts create World record for grimiest hit


Scotland was celebrating last night after its drug addicts set a new world record for the grimiest hit imaginable after revealing that they resell methadone that they have previously spat out.

Drug addicts have revealed their excitement at trying out the drug known as spit-meth.

One eager drug addict explained, “Previously if I wanted a really grimy hit, I’d just share needles with a prostitute who might be HIV positive.”

“But knowing that I can now take methadone that has been swilling around a heroin addicts mouth, gargled up and then gobbed into a container along with some phlegm is really exciting.  I can’t wait to try it.”

Spit-Meth

The news has come as a welcome surprise to the people of Scotland who had always assumed that they were pretty rubbish at everything except burning in the sun and celebrating when England lose at football.

“It’s a really proud moment for the Scottish people,” enthused First Minister of Scotland Alex Salmond. “Our addicts are the best in the world, the true pride of Scotland.”

“Such imagination and innovative methods of achieving a dirty high, while at the same time displaying an entrepreneurial mindset that could really push Scotland to the forefront of the business world.”

“Lets face it, if you can sell something that looks that disgusting, and has been produced using methods that would make any sane person retch, then you’ve obviously got great sales skills.”

“I’m surprised more Heroin addicts don’t apply to be on The Apprentice, actually.”

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