September 2010

Blackberry urged to improve speed at which they copy Apple

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Blackberry users have this morning urged manufacturer RIM to improve the speed at which they copy Apple after the firm announced their own PlayBook tablet device, a whole six months after the iPad was released.

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Mrs Miliband to insist Ed lets David have a go at weekends

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Mrs Miliband has told her son Ed that he needs to let his brother David have a go after he spent the whole weekend playing with the controls of his new Labour party.

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Lord Ashcroft accused of acting like Lord Ashcroft

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Conservative party deputy chairman Lord Ashcroft has been accused of acting like Lord Ashcroft after avoiding millions of pounds of tax despite promising to become a full UK taxpayer.

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New Emile Heskey cyborg a complete success, claims Houllier

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After it scored its second crucial goal in just four days, new Aston Villa manager Gerard Houllier has declared his Emile Heskey cyborg experiment a complete success.

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Genetic defect causes people to ‘moan about headaches’

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Scientists have identified a genetic defect linked to people who moan about having a really, really bad headache before taking the rest of the day off.

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Anger as 135 million people forced to sit at their computer clicking refresh

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135 million people worldwide were put in the uncomfortable position yesterday evening of trying to find something better to do after social networking site Facebook suffered its worst shutdown in four years.

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Arsenal announce record profits, what do you think?

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“Bricks and mortar, it’s the way forward. I bet if they stopped pissing around with all that football pitch related stuff they could make even more money.”

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I’m also available for Bar Mitzvahs, Ahmadinejad tells empty UN venue

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Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has reaffirmed his position at the political world’s number one religious nutjob, by claiming a US conspiracy for 9/11 designed to gain support for Israel.

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Large fall in essentially dull people pretending to be bisexual

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A report out today suggests the number of people feigning bisexuality in an attempt to appear interesting or controversial has fallen dramatically from ten million to just over 240,000.

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Titus Bramble’s defence to fall over, allowing prosecution tap-in

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After Sunderland’s Titus Bramble was bailed following allegations relating to a rape incident in Newcastle, fans everywhere are already eagerly anticipating the calamitous mistake his defense will make ensuring an easy prosecution tap-in.

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