Doctors have provided a new excuse for kids that are a perpetual pain in the arse, by suggesting that ADHD is actually due to genetic anomalies over which parents have no control.
Scientists from Cardiff University, writing in The Lancet, said that Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder was actually linked to shared genetic factors – and not due to shockingly bad parents who should learn to keep those things on a bloody leash.
A researcher on the team said, “This is good news for crap parents, because they no longer need to be ashamed of the frankly terrible job they do of controlling their offspring – now they can blame it on DNA and other stuff they know absolutely nothing about.”
“This is an important step in removing any remaining blame we lay at the door of rubbish parents, who I think you’ll admit get a raw deal just because the tiny humans they are solely responsible for raising are turning into complete shits.”
Rubbish parents have reacted positively to the news, claiming that it is proof that their unusual parenting methods are perfectly valid because their children would have been absolutely awful whatever they did.
Sharon Donald, 25 said, “I knew it! And to think some people said it was due to me giving Tyler M&Ms for breakfast every day and never saying no to anything, ever. The idiots.”
“I’ve already perfected my response to the withering stares I tend to get in public places, it goes, ‘IT’S GENETIC!’ – what do you think?”
“Now, if doctors could just find a genetic reason why he knew the word ‘cock’ at the age of two I can stop all the other moms at the nursery looking down their noses at me.”