Tuesday 21 September 2010

Police to replace e-fit software with childrens’ drawings


Hampshire Police have announced the immediate replacement of their e-fit software with the significantly more realistic drawings of suspected criminals created by five year-old children.

Police have admitted having technical issues with their previous e-fit of a burglary suspect, but claim the new sketch by five year-old Jack Dawkins is a much more realistic likeness.

The new image shows the suspect to be approximately eight foot tall, with a seventeen inch waist and head circumference of two metres, which witnesses say is a siginificant improvement on the lettuce-headed first attempt created using a hugely-expensive computer.

A police spokesperson said, “We take the apprehension of criminal suspects extremely seriously, and as such we will use all resources at our disposal, including those created using wax crayons by someone who signs their name alongside their age in years and a fraction.”

“If Jack’s drawing looks like you then I would be getting pretty nervous about now.  The net is closing in, mister.”

e-fit

It is hoped the new hand-drawn e-fit will lead to the swift conclusion of the enquiry, with senior officers bullish about their new suspect-identification system.

The Hampshire constabulary spokesman continued, “We know it is almost impossible to find someone who has lettuce for hair, with hindsight it was quite ridiculous to even release that image.”

“However  we feel confident the public will easily spot a man whose head is twice the size of his waist and has no elbows or knees.”

“We’re pretty sure his walk will be quite distinctive.”

Police have warned that the suspect might be dangerous, and should not be approached, adding that members of the public should contact the authorities immediately should they see anyone with fingers the size of their feet and whose mouth is directly below their right eye.

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