Blackburn manager Sam Allardyce has continued the war of words between himself and Arsene Wenger by accusing the Arsenal boss of accusing him of accusing Wenger of accusing him.
Wenger, who has made no secret of his contempt for any team that employs tactics that stop his side winning comfortably and scoring several goals that consist of numerous intricate passes, culminating in the goalscorer sweeping the ball majestically over the line to musical accompaniment from the London Symphony Orchestra, has previously accused Allardyce’s teams of bullying tactics.
Wenger has highlighted an incident a couple of seasons ago when Robin Van Persie was substituted after suffering from badly hurt feelings after a comment directed at him by El Hadji Diouf.
Wenger said, “I don’t know where Diouf got his information from, but Robin definitely does not wet the bed. I make sure my players are fully aware of the importance of going for a tinkle before turning in. ”
“If anyone has any doubts about Van Persie’s bladder control then I suggest that they go and sniff his mattress.”
Allardyce has claimed that the attitude of Wenger’s side is ruining the game, telling reporters, “When I played back in the seventies, if the centre forward left the field with all his limbs intact after ninety minutes then I hadn’t done my job.”
“That’s the trouble with today’s game, it’s far too kissy kissy. If I see any of my players hugging after they’ve scored a goal then they’ll have me to deal with.”
“In pre-season training Morten Gamst Pedersen tried celebrating a 25 yard volley with a team hug. Lets just say after I’d finished with him, he couldn’t sit down for a week.”
Researcher Nicholas Sze, who recently calculated the 2,000,000,000,000,000th digit of pi, has initiated research in the hope of simplifying seemingly endless cycle of whining carried out by premier league managers.
“We are hoping that we can find a way that managers can trade simple mathematical insults. So far we’ve discovered that if you enter 58008618 into a calculator and then turn it upside down you get bigboobs, and if you enter 5317006 then you get goolies, so there’s clearly some scope for mathematical insults.”
“We don’t want to raise expectations, but we’re currently just two numbers away from bollocks”